if i died would you start the facebook group?
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
There r osticjed everywhere
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
