good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
