Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
