I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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