Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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