i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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