I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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