She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
