Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
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I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
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He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
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