Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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