when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
