I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
