You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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