i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
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