Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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