My first STD was from a foam party
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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