just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
