I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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