okay pat passed out under dana's car
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
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