just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
