9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
