I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
