a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
