Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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