Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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