A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
