apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
