I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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