i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
