my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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