I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
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