I could make wine with my vomit
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
