not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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