I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
