I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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