Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
