plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Randomize
