Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
