He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
