True but thats because hes a fetus.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Randomize