so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
