my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
