So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
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FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
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this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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