I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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