That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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