That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
