just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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