32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
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