Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
