New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
