just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
