Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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