I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
