so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
