I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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