i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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