Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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