You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
