Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
