I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
