dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
