Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
